ABOMINATIONS! Adulterated Chinese characters in the wild!

Just as in English advertising you’ll see some letters substituted with images, the same happens in Chinese, and you’ll often see parts of characters replaced. I’ve captured a few examples below, but let me know if you spot any yourself!

In what we’ll call questionable taste. A kid with an open mouth takes the place of the 「口」 component of 「吃」 in this sign (and yes, 吃 has most if not all of the connotations of the word “eat” in English). It reads 「吃我 早午餐」 (Eat Me – Brunch).

This congee shop has creatively substituted the central 「米」 component of 「粥」 for a stack of steaming bowls of congee.

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Chess in Taiwan: Brian Tseng and playing for Team Taiwan

Although I dabbled in my youth, I’m pretty much a post-Queen’s Gambit chess player. I’ve really gotten into it over the past few years, although I’m still at around 1000 ELO (Daily), so just thought I’d provide a bit of info on the scene in Taiwan and some useful vocab in Mandarin.

via GIPHY

Most of my interactions have been online, but there are some meet-ups in Taipei, also happy to play over-the-board with anyone in and around Chiang Kai Shek Memorial Hall over lunch times.

If you want to play for Taiwan, you can join Team Taiwan on Chess.com (you can only play for one country at a time, but they’re flexible about the flag displayed in your profile). Also, feel free to add me and play me.

Although Xiangqi (象棋) is more popular here, there is a growing community of chess players too, including stand-up comic, presenter and podcaster Brian Tseng. He’s yet to disclose his Chess.com username, but he’s mentioned chess a good few times in his podcast, particularly in the King’s Gambit (王翼棄兵) episode, where he talks about applying the lessons of chess to everyday life.

You can find some cool stickers on Instagram, by searching for “rvdtor.”

You can also follow the progress of World Chess Champion Ding Liren (丁立人) on Weibo, although he seems to be playing less these days. And check out this Taichung-based chess YouTuber!

Chess Vocab:

西洋棋 xī​yáng​qí chess
棋盤 qí​pán chess board
一盤棋 yī​pánqí​ a game of chess
下棋 xià​qí to play chess
下一步棋 xià​yī​bùqí to make a chess move
隻 zhī measure word for piece
國王 guó​wáng king
皇后 huáng​hòu queen
主教 zhǔ​jiào bishop
馬 / 小馬 / 騎士 ​mǎ / xiǎomǎ / qí​shì knight
城堡 chéng​bǎo rook/castle
斜線 xié​xiàn diagonals (measure word: 條 tiáo)
兵 / 小兵 bīng / xiǎobīng pawn
黑格 hēigé black square
白格 báigé white square
黑 / 白格主教 hēi / báigé zhǔ​jiào black / white-square bishop
吃 / 敲 chī / qiāo to take (a piece)
翻騎士 fānqí​shì to move a knight

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‘Marry My Dead Body’ Film Review – Be gay! Just no sex please, we’re Taiwanese!

I’m late to the game, but I finally watched Marry My Dead Body (《關於我和鬼變成家人的那件事》, literally “Concerning me becoming family with a ghost”) on Netflix over the weekend (available with English subs). The film did have its moments although not all of the jokes landed to me.

The name in Chinese follows a pattern of using overly wordy titles that started more or less with another film You are the Apple of my Eye  (《那些年,我們一起追的女孩》, literally, “Those years, and those girls we chased together”). This formula is a little played out now in popular culture, however, and I think they could have gone with something a little snappier. There’s also a euphemistic tone to the Chinese title, as the marriage part is not stated overtly, referred to just as “becoming family.” The English title, although a little inaccurate in terms of spirit versus corpse, has a touch of humour to it in its echo of the phrase “over my dead body,” so I’d say the English title works quite well, as it reflects the enmity between the two main characters at the outset in typical rom-com fashion.

The film is largely well-meaning in its message: essentially that stereotypes and discrimination are a result of ignorance, and that, once homophobic people interact in a meaningful way with gay people, they begin to see them as human.

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UPDATED I have an APRC, when am I getting the NT$6,000 tax rebate?

You might have heard quite a lot of talk about permanent residents and citizens of Taiwan getting an NT$6,000 tax rebate a while back, one of the last things outgoing Premier Su Tseng-chang did before he left office.

Ehhhh… that was back in January, when does the money come in?

The website is here and went live for registration for direct deposits to bank account Wednesday, March 22 at 8 am for those whose IDs end in a zero or a one; those whose IDs end in a two or three on Thursday, March 23 at 8 am; those whose IDs end in a four and five on Friday, March 24; six and seven on Saturday, March 25; and eight and nine on Sunday, March 26. After that, you can register regardless of your ID number. The ATM and Post Office options are also now available.

Click 登記入帳 to register to get the money directly deposited to your bank. You’ll need to fill in your ARC no., the 12 digit number on your NHI card and your bank and bank account number.

So… how do I get my grubby little hands on it? (Updated March 16, 2023)

As you may or may not know, as opposed to the stimulus vouchers issued previously, this time they are issuing cash directly. According to Minister Audrey Tang, there are three main ways to collect your tax rebate (there are two other categories for special categories including remote areas, but not super important for the majority of us):

  1. Straight to your bank account – you can log into the online system with your NHI card and will have the option to have the money deposited directly into your bank account.
  2. Withdrawing the cash direct from an ATM – you can go to an ATM at one of 12 appointed banks and enter your NHI card number and ID number to allow you to withdraw the cash immediately. (Prepare for some hiccups for APRC holders with this option in my estimation).
  3. Post office counter service – for those who are fans of queueing, you can also get the cash at a post office with your ID/APRC and NHI card. If you’re a real queue aficionado and want to eat up at least a few hours, you can try to get it on the first day or target an area of Taipei with a higher concentration of senior citizens. Alternatively, you can go with option 1 and then queue up for a distinctly average beef noodle restaurant instead.

UPDATE (March 29, 2023):

You can check if you successfully registered using the tool below:

When you click “查詢登記結果” (Check the results of registration), you’ll be prompted to enter your ARC number and the 12 digits on the front of your NHI card. And if you were successful it should give you a message like this:

“Registration complete, the money will enter your account soon.”

Need Some Charge on the Run – Convenience Stores Now Offer Power Bank Rentals in Taiwan

You can now borrow a power bank at any 7-11 and leave it back at any other branch. The rental fee is NT$12 per hour, with a 24-hour max charge of NT$36 and a 72-hour maximum rental period. They will hold NT$300 on your card until you return it. If you want to cancel a transaction, you can also return it within 10 minutes without charge. You can check out a list of participating stores here! Wireless and wired charging are both available for Android and Apple.

First, check to see if the Ibon machine at the 7-11 you’re at has any power banks inserted at the bottom. If not, they might all have been rented, or it might not be a participating store. If you do see power banks, you can follow the steps below to rent:


Step 1: At the Ibon Machine main menu, hit 「生活服務」 (everyday services)

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「是在哈佛」: a variant of 「是在哈囉」 and taking the piss out of celebrities

In a previous post, I mentioned the phrase 「是在哈囉」 to mean *sassy voice*”Hello~~!” or “What the f*ck is going on?” Well, recently, I spotted a variant of this phrase on a friend’s Facebook post, playing on the similarity in sound: 「是在哈佛」, which is used to mean the same thing, but with a twist:

確診者之各種電話打不通。
遠端電話掛號打不通
區公所打不通
關懷物資第五天還是沒收到
隔離通知書也沒有收到

“I can’t get through to any of the numbers for confirmed positive cases.
I can’t get through to the remote-treatment number
I can’t get through to my district office
It’s the fifth day and I still haven’t received the welfare package
and I’m yet to receive my quarantine notice.”



健康益友沒有一家可以用,出了要幹嘛?
各家醫院百花出了一堆app也沒有一個有用(我需要遠端診療)
區公所衛生局打了23x33x92(萬華區)
直接叫我打23x33x92,根本同一支電話是在哈佛??

“None of the options on the “Health Companion” app work, why did they even launch it?
Of the mass of various apps launched by hospitals, I wasn’t able to use even one (I need a remote consultation).
I called the number for the health department of the District Office (Wanhua District) 23x33x92
It told me to call 23x33x92 instead. What the f*ck is with giving out the same number??



然後又打了一次說在忙線中,繼續等候請按*字鍵,然後按了*字鍵後跟 我說該目標無效又被掛電話
沒有一支電話是打得進去的,現在柯檳榔就是要放給人死在家就對了。

“When I dialed it again it said the line was busy, and if I wanted to continue waiting I could press *. After I pressed *, it said this option was invalid and the line cut off.
I wasn’t able to get through to any of the numbers, so it seems Betelnut Ko Wen-je (Taipei Mayor) just wants people to die at home.”

The “hello” in the original phrase is switched up for the Chinese word for Harvard. This phrase originates from the suggestion that Christine Fan (范瑋琪) stated that she was a Harvard alumnus on her CV, when, in fact, she transferred to the Harvard Division of Continuing Education in the second year of a degree and never graduated. The implication in highly-competitive Taiwan is that the Harvard Division of Continuing Education does not count as Harvard proper and that she was trying to plump up her CV, although the portrayal of her as a Harvard grad seems largely to have been led by the media.

The phrase still retains the meaning of the original, basically “What the f*ck is that all about?” but with an extra pop culture reference added.

The reference to Betelnut Ko Wen-je to refer to the Taipei Mayor originates in a series of pranks played by high-schoolers on politicians, where they ask to take a photo together and then ask them awkward questions or find other creative forms of embarrassing them. In this instance, the high-schooler dressed up (rather subtly) as a betelnut to take a photo with Ko:

Asaburo: Bathing in the morning is messy in Taiwanese

The Taiwanese language has a lot of imported words from Japanese, but one of the most common and fun is “Asaburo” (often transliterated into Chinese as 「阿薩布魯」) used to refer to something messy or chaotic. Like, for example in this article:

空軍在東引所部署的預警雷達並不是阿薩布魯的「歹銅舊錫」,而是與鎮守台灣南北兩端海拔千餘公尺的嵩山雷達站、大漢山雷達站相同的AN/FPS-117三維長程防空雷達。

The early-warning radar deployed on Dongyin Island isn’t a hodge-podge of low-grade copper and shoddy tin, but is rather an AN/FPS-117 3-dimensional air search radar, like those watching over the northern and southern extremes of Taiwan from an altitude of over 1,000 meters above sea-level at the Songshan and Dahanshan radar stations.

The funny thing about this word, however, is that in Japanese (朝風呂/あさぶろ/asaburo) it only refers to morning baths.

The running theory in Taiwan (and among my colleagues when I discussed it with them) is that this word was adopted to mean messy, as the idea of bathing in the morning is a messy thing to do. This touches on a bit of a cultural difference between Taiwan and the UK/Ireland as, although I remember having a bath every night before bed as a child, it was the norm for my entire family to shower in the morning before school/work once we were old enough to wash ourselves. In Taiwan, the general idea is that you should be clean when you go to bed, whereas in the UK/Ireland the general idea is that a shower in the morning wakes you up. If you’ve ever lived with a Taiwanese person, you’ll register their dismay if you choose to shower in the morning instead of before bed.

You can always shower twice a day, especially during the humid summers in Taiwan, to keep everyone happy.

I also found this list of Japanese imported words on the internet, if you want to broaden your vocabulary.

「某某很雷,跟他共事很累。」 What a difference a tone makes…

Tones play an even more important role in Chinese than accurate pronunciation a lot of the time, but you know you’re swimming in the deep end when even native speakers have to clarify the difference.

One of my friends was talking about a colleague of theirs and said:

「XX很,跟他共事很。」
“XX is a real liability, working with him is exhausting.”

When the person he was talking to appeared confused, another friend clarified 「地雷的雷」.

Literally “thunder,” or “landmine” in the context of 「地雷」, 「雷」lei2 is an adjective used to describe someone as clumsy or always mucking things up. My friend made a real effort to emphasize that it was second tone, to distinguish it from 「累」 lei4 (tiring/tired).

How Do I Swap my UK Driving License for a Local One in Taiwan?

I recently applied to swap my UK license for a Taiwanese license, under the mutual driver license agreement signed by Taiwan and the UK.

As I’m from Belfast, I thought that I’d have some difficulty swapping my license under the UK-Taiwan license exchange program. I did have to do some extra explaining but was able to swap successfully.

The initial announcement of the scheme when the memorandum of understanding was signed specified that Northern Irish licenses were excluded, but when the scheme launched in January of this year, no such exclusion was mentioned in the description of the scheme. I messaged the British Office, and they said they had no idea and told me to ask the Taiwanese Motor Vehicle Office. They were a bit more helpful and said that the agreement specified that it was the entire UK (which, of course, includes Northern Ireland).

If you’re from any part of the UK except for Northern Ireland, you can use the gov.uk system to create a check code for your license (used by the British Office to verify your license). If you’re from Northern Ireland, your license number won’t fit, however, and you have to use the NI direct system to create a check code (you have to create an account and apply to upload info on your license, but it’s reasonably simple). I created my check code (to be used within 21 days of creation) and printed out the docs.

I set off to the Taipei Motor Vehicles Office (臺北市區監理所) in Songshan District (about 10 minutes walk from Nanjing Sanmin MRT Station), but you can go to any office. When you arrive, you will have to proceed to the 2nd floor and hit the ticket machine for driver’s licenses.

Checklist:

  • Passport
  • ARC valid for at least six months
  • UK driver’s license
  • Check code
  • 2 x Driver License (1 inch) photographs (there is a photo booth at the office)
  • NIA Certificate of Entry and Exit dates (Note: I didn’t bring this and they didn’t ask, but it’s listed by the British Office – link below)

You can apply for the NIA Certificate here or in person.

The staff didn’t know what to do with the NI Direct check code, as they’d only been instructed to use the gov.uk system. So the woman came out and discussed it with me and I told her that Northern Ireland has a different agency and a different system and she said she would check with the British Office and get back to me.

You don’t have to hand in your health check until you are contacted and your check code has been authenticated, but it’s quite convenient to do it the same day at the nearby Po Jengh Hospital (博仁綜合醫院). While you’re handing in your license info and check code, you can ask for the following form to do your health check:

Go to the main door of the hospital and tell the security guard that you want to do a driver license health check (駕照體檢/jiàzhào tǐjiǎn). He’ll stamp your hand with a blue “P” and tell you to go into an alley and go in a side entrance on the left. This is the special entrance for health checks. You take the elevator up and then take a ticket and wait for the various checks (it took me around 20-30 mins). Remember to take NT$300 in cash to pay for the health check. They check your hearing and sight and a few other basic checks. After you pay, you have to take the health check certificate back down to the main lobby of the hospital to get stamped (you don’t have to take a number, there should be a lady sitting to the left who deals with your form).

You don’t have to hand the health certificate in that day and can just wait for the office to contact you. They were pretty quick for me, I did it on the Friday before the 228 bridge weekend and got notified it was authenticated on the following Tuesday. I went back to the Motor Vehicle Office with my passport, ARC, my driver’s license, the health check and driver license photos (these have to be the same as the one you put on your health check form.

When you go back to the office, specify that it’s your second visit and they’ll go looking for your info. Then after a bit of staring at your ARC, passport and license (approx. 15 mins) they’ll hand you your Taiwanese license and take away your UK license (you can get this back if you return to the UK and return the Taiwanese license to the DVLA).

And you can hit the road!

Big Rollers with Body Odor: ‘Macao is a City’ by Yan Geling 嚴歌苓的《媽閣是座城》書評

[Spoiler Alert]

For most people, the world of gambling either conjures up glamourous Hollywood movies, like James Bond and Ocean’s 11, or grimy old men in bookkeeper shops betting on the horses. This novel by Yan Geling gives us a mixture here by portraying the stories of big rollers in China, but lifting up their masks and exposing the grubby little men lying beneath, body odor and all.

We’re introduced to the protagonist, a middle-aged single mother living in Macau called Xiao’ou, through a story of how gambling runs in her blood, with the tragic tale of her male ancestor’s addiction. This eventually led to him taking his life and, as a result, his wife became obsessed with wiping out the male line of her family to ensure the defective gambling gene wasn’t passed down.

From there we jump to Xiao’ou’s current job as a junket operator/bate-ficha (壘碼仔/ Cantonese: daap6 ma5 zai2) in Macau; basically, these are the middlemen who bring high-rollers into casinos. Topically enough, while I was penning this review, this story emerged, giving an insight into the real world goings-on behind this fictional account.

We gradually come to learn that despite her supposed scorn for gamblers, Xiao’ou is gambling by proxy, in that she borrows money from the casino on behalf of her clients, and then has to chase up the money with them after paying the casino back on their behalf. She also offers clients the option to treble or quadruple the actual chips on the table, in an under-the-table bet with her, which makes the stakes even higher. Many are subsequently unable to pay and she risks losing big if other debtors collect from the clients before she can.

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